I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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