I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
