You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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