So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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