You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize