I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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