No more Irish car bombs ever.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
