I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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