I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
