the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
