You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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