You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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