According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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