I am puke
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
