no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
