he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
