Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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