the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
