Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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