I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
