i need an iv and a liver transplant
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
