The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
