He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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