Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
