Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
