Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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