woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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