What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
