He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
