Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It was confusing and full of hummus
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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