I think my vagina is haunted
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
