Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
