Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Success! We fucked roommates!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize