i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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