I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
