so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
