I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
