we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
