just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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