if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
