Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
