I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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