You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You've changed since you got that strap on
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
