this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
