Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
