i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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