I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
