I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
