who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
