taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
