my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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