Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
