I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
