Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
