perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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