Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
