the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
