I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
