I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
