Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
