I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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