Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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