I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
