hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize