I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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