Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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