Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
