question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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