He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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