I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
