don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
