Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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