The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
