Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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