i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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