Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
