Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
