No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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