i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
