you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Im part way to drunk.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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