UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
